Did you smell that?

Why, oh why is it, that I always end up behind the smelliest person in a line of 40 people?

Today I went to pay a traffic ticket in Lexington, TN for a foul committed on a previous trip to Memphis. It was an hour and a half drive, but they take off half if you show up to pay your fine, and it doesn’t go on your record. Sweet deal. If you’re going to get pulled over by a cop on I-40 (and from what I understand, a lot of folks do in the area around Jackson) this is the place to do it.

All right, back to smelly guy. I got to the courthouse a little late, and wandered around the unfamiliar building until I found a few people headed upstairs with little pink papers in their hands. I stopped to check my phone because my roommate sent me a text message, and when I finally slipped in line, I wasn’t paying attention…until “The Smell” hit me. I raised my head to find I was standing behind a guy who looked like he hadn’t showered in a month, and hadn’t washed his hair in a year. The hair, or more accurately, matted globs of hair, were shoved under a cap, and there was a small knotted hairball resting on the back of his shirt that had broken free from the herd. ARRGHGHRGHH… He kept scratching is face, which was unshaven, and I could almost see the scales of skin flaking off. Have you ever noticed that you become really conscious of when a smelly person moves, because when they move, the air around them stirs and sends their foul aroma wafting in your direction. Needless to say, I became very engrossed in playing a game on my phone and giving this guy his space.

Listen people, I’m not usually such a snob. But I think God created hygiene for a reason. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is not at the top of my list of shows, but they have part of it right. We need less crud and a little more clean in our lives. I’m not saying guys need to go get their backs waxed and use expensive “product” to style their hair. Some of them just need to take a little more time with the grooming process. Or at the very least, don’t smell.

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