So, about that quote that I put up earlier…I think I have it figured out. Well, maybe not figured out, but I have grasped some part of it, enough to piece some things together. The beginning of healing for myself, perhaps?
To start, I’ll get gut-level honest and say that I don’t always feel very wanted. More in a social and opposite-gender sort of way, not so much in a family way. I am loud, opinionated, with a propensity to boss people around, so often I don’t feel like I’m at the top of everybody’s love list. And I’ve been damaged because of it. Some of it comes from real childhood hurts, another part from feeling rejected by guys. The rest is just lies that Satan feeds me on top of everything else to keep me from feeling freedom.
In three days’ time, I will have been single for four years straight. Sure, I’ve had a few dates here and there, but never any second dates. If that doesn’t add to feeling really great about yourself, I don’t know what will. All that to say, within this time, I have been prideful and haughty, trying to tell myself and others that I am OK with being alone. God has revealed this sin in my life. And I’ve been wrong. In a word, I’ve been broken.
Which brings me to the quote: “Healing comes to the broken places first.” Now that I have admitted where I am and have begun to lay bare everything that has caused this twisted, mangled mess in my life, God can begin the healing process. He will heal those spots where I most need it.
And then, something miraculous will happen. Things that I didn’t know needed fixing will start to right themselves. Other places in my heart will strengthen because of the newfound strength of a once-weak place. Healing will come to parts that were not even broken in my mind. I guess ultimately, we are all broken people, no matter what we believe to the contrary. When we acknowledge those places, though, God is able to work and craft us even more closely to His image.