Serious red flag

Let me tell you the tale of my recent endeavor in the dating world.

So, one day I was cruising the Craigslist, indulging in a pastime Mary and I find extremely diverting: Personal Ads Reading. There are generally some real winners on there. And by winners I mean dudes who say things like this: “I am open to all possibilities but I am picky. Not to say that I would not pick you. Maybe you wont pick me? It is your choice and mine also.” Huh??

So I’m looking and laughing, and I pull up an ad that seems normal. Guy in my age range, says he’s a Christian, etc. etc. I took a step out on a limb and actually dropped him a line. His responses seemed normal, and we had good conversation, so we eventually decided to meet up for coffee. He was a genuinely cool guy. He came over to my house the next day to watch a movie, and still all was well. He had some baggage, but whatever. We’ve all had our issues.

Then all these little red flags started popping up. He would text instead of calling me. Then I would hear nothing from him. He would ask these really intense questions, but we had only gone out twice. A couple of my friends met him and thought he was weird. Then came the coup de grace. We always have a gathering at my house on Wednesday nights, and all my friends come over and we cook dinner and hang out. My parents happened to be in town as well. I gave him a hug when he came in, but was running around talking to everyone who came because we had a lot more people than usual that night. Then my roommate Cindy spotted it. “Oh my gosh. What is that?” she said, pointing at his midsection. And there it was: a turkey claw attached to a belt buckle. Not like a fake metal turkey claw, but a real one.

Now, there are hunters in my family, and I love to fish, but my father and brother do not wear coonskin caps or snakeskin boots. And needless to say, my taste in men generally runs in the opposite direction from turkey claw belt buckles. Of course, my friends and roommates won’t let me forget it. They asked me what in the world I was thinking. But have no fear, y’all. The belt buckle sealed it. I am back to being single for the next five years, until the next nut job comes out of the woodwork.



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5 responses to “Serious red flag

  1. Amy K

    haha that is funny. I can just hear Cindy now…Miss you guys.

  2. Scooby

    Yes….quite amusing. Never trust a man with a turkey claw on his waist.

  3. May Vanderbilt

    This is so funny. I have a guy I refer to as the Headbutt Kisser. He tried to give me a peck, and ended up breaking my bottom lip open on his braces. Needless to say, our relationship didn’t last much beyond that summer at church camp.

  4. Mary

    Don’t worry Lauren—

    I am sure you will find another strange guy any day now….


  5. shane

    see. if i’ve told you once, i’ve told you a thousand… “no dating until he gets my pre-authorization”

    this is what happens when you don’t listen to your elders…


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